Mom, Dad, apparently I'm afraid to grow up

I used to play my music player when I sleep.
This made me more comfortable when I have to sleep alone and afraid of the dark.
I just woke up from my only 3 hours sleep when i heard one of my favorite children's songs.
It's Sherina Munaf with her 'Lihatlah Lebih Dekat'.

"Pergilah sedih. Pergilah resah. Jauhkanlah aku dari salah prasangka. Pergilah gundah. Jauhkan resah. Lihat segalanya lebih dekat, dan ku bisa menilai lebih bijaksana"

The first time I heard that song when I was 5th grade.
Using red and white uniform. Short black hair ponytail. The face is so innocent.
That memories are like circling in my mind.
I used to do anything to get my priority.
Become more serious. Become more reliable. At that time, at least.

Then, I became frustated with remembering all the memories that now.
Look at me now.
I'm not much of a slacker.
Waste of a very difficult time I get when I've not been at this level.

Mom and Dad are doing more than simply do what they could.
I was too much to ask apparently.
I know that my family circumstances have changed.
No longer like the first time I heard that song.
No more world which are able to understand all I want as my Mom and Dad do.

God, can I ask You for make me be a 5th grade Elementary School girl forever?
I'm afraid to grow up apparently.
I'm afraid with all this responsibility.
I'm scared because My Mom and Dad would didn't have to treat me like a kid anymore.
Dad and Mom had more than enough to make the best of them for me.

But, ugh, look at me now.
Still always ask.
I don't give the best from me to them.

My sister was unfortunate to not be pursuing her Bachelor degree.
3 years 1 month ago, at the same age with me right now, she's already decided to get married.
Apparently, it's a very big and very wonderful decision in life.
I think, at the 20 years old, someone has become more mature, it's wise as the main protagonist characters in the movies I've ever seen so far. But, truly, it's not.

Oh once again look at me.
Sometimes, I feel disgusted with myself.
Dad and Mom, at age like me today, has a lot of hard work.
Must live with many siblings who also become a dependent of both their parents.
Working to help my grandfather and grandmom on a farm. Do anything as much as can they do.
That isn't the way I do now.

I want to live better.
I want to give you the best things from me, Mom, Dad.
I've got to grow up apparently.
I also have to go through like what my sister went through right?
I want you to always love me in any circumstances.

"Tuhan, kau ku pinta, bahagiakan mereka sepertiku.. Ingin aku persembahkan, semurni cintamu, setulus kasih sayangmu. Kau selalu ku cinta" - Andai Aku Telah Dewasa ~ Sherina Munaf